Love and Fear (part I)

I am in awe of life right now.

What we tend to think as seemingly random events is quite the opposite.  All of those clichés come to mind: “everything happens for a reason,” “there is a plan,” and “have faith,” among so many others.  You hear them all of your life and shrug them off like the religious dogma you’re so used to hearing.  What we don’t realize is the subtle shift within ourselves and our environment that happens while we’re not paying attention even though we absolutely think we are.

For those of you who don’t believe in channeling, psychic connections, empathic intuition, or anything as esoteric or emotional as what I tend to write about, you may want to stop reading now.  But if you have a small voice inside of you full of curiosity despite what you logically “think” you know to be true, keep reading and open your mind to the possibility.

In my previous post you read about my break up and the lessons I thought I learned.  Well, I shouldn’t say thought. I did learn them. What I didn’t realize was I soooo wasn’t done learning.  As a matter of fact I had this exact statement made to me just the other day by a random stranger and I will not shrug off the synchronicity. She told me that unless I plan on dying soon then the lesson is never over.

After my profound experience with Source, my Higher Self, Mother Gaia, and any other spiritual essence that was there with me that night in the public restroom of my office, I was still too nervous to face my home alone.  I knew there was still more work to be done, but my fear continued to hold me back from facing it. I thought to myself I should let this happen gradually. There is no need to rip the Band-Aid off so quickly.  I called my sister and begged her to come home with me.  I didn’t even need to beg she was already on stand-by and high-alert. She knew I needed her and was waiting for my call.

Over the next few days of her coddling and consoling me we learned more about each other than we ever dreamed of learning. We were already very close due to everything we experienced together over the years.  Lately the both of us have felt this uncomfortable disconnection between us, and in fear of losing each other anymore neither of us spoke up until I finally found this strong need to share with her my experience in the bathroom.  Usually I would hold these experiences to myself or censor them in order to allow my sister to gradually accept my words in fear of her rejection.  I don’t know why I’ve ever feared that from her. She has never rejected me. Never.

I shared with her every little detail that I could remember, every little emotion, every breath, and every little space between each breath. I left nothing out. In my telling I felt this amazing wave of energy and love. At first I thought it was all from her, but it was from all around me too.   This energy lifted us up onto a realm of acceptance and gratitude we have never experienced before and opened the door we didn’t realize had been locked between us.  I found out she finally became self-aware and through me and my shared experiences she found what it was she was actually feeling and that it was her new reality, not a waking-dream.

We spent the next few days in a Cocoon of Clarification and Validation. It felt like the world had paused specifically to allow us to catch up.  We made so many connections, realized so many revelations, ascertained so many synchronicities it was like Spirit held us in her arms and blessed us with Oneness.  I made the connection that this was what I asked for during my desperate plea for Oneness; for someone to come along and show me that I am not alone, that I was never alone, and that I will never be alone again. I graciously returned my thanks, gratitude, and love to the Universe around us.

Our cocoon was only temporary as life is wont to be.  My sister needed to go home and I needed to face my fear.  Well, one of them at least.  It was time. The entire morning of her departure I would unconsciously attempt to stall and I knew she felt the same, but our lives were calling and we had to place our reunion on hold. Knowing that we were better bonded now helped with the physical letting go of each other’s presence.  Knowing that we were only ever a thought away from each other filled me with a love so grand I constantly cry in gratitude.

To be continued…

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