A Light in the Darkness

I still see my therapist.  Quite a bit less than before, but I never stopped seeing her even though I believe myself mostly healed and no longer afraid of my own Shadow.  She helped me realize that my biggest fear was that of my Self and my own inner-strength.  That to not feel shame over the obvious confusion my behavior leaves on others due to my ability to cope and continue under such burdens, but to celebrate and lead the way for everyone to SEE that which is hardest for all to initially SEE. She helped me comprehend that my growing awareness of how unbelievably deep the well of emotions I have is a gift.  And she also lovingly nurtured the maturing understanding of how unfathomably endless the breadth of my feelings, that I was able to finally accept and love myself as the awesome, powerful, and Divine Goddess that I AM.

It’s only now I’m coming to realize the true power behind our human existence and this ability to FEEL.  How the balance of Passion and Pain, Joy and Heartache, Faith and Fear,  if harnessed together and wholeheartedly without any delineation whatsoever, can jump start ones own reality into a completely different and higher realm of BEing.  It’s for this very experience each of us signed up. It is this exact Human Experience each of us KNOW is the elusive answer behind that ethereal question, — Why are we here?

This world is a classroom and the current lesson I am living this very moment of my present life is an unbelievable doozy!  I think I finally understand why I have always felt my brother such an important figure in my life.  Why I have always felt this calling to him and the Path he walks as the key to a massive door along my own Path towards Enlightenment.

His Journey is part of my Journey. We are congruently tied to one another, just as each one of YOU are tied congruently to each one of US.  Each one of us affects every single other being on this planet for a specific purpose. No matter how little or how large the scale of change for every single interaction, it is made for a reason.  We are all affected for a reason. Yes, even the bad affects are made for a reason!

Once again the sham of duality reveals itself to me so clearly!  And yet this duality was gifted unto us so that we could experience it! For how can any of us understand that which we haven’t experienced! The necessity for duality in order to finally grow past its necessity is an absolutely PERFECT and beautifully balanced paradox! [But I’m digressing…]

I had somewhat wondered why I didn’t just stop seeing my therapist a while ago.  After my first real Lesson in Self-Love (See Love and Fear parts I, II, III, IVV, and Higher Perceptions) opened my eyes and the new insurgence of self-confidence swaggered her merry self into my spine, I pondered on the continued necessity.  Each time I asked myself, “Why?” and felt a gentle answer inside that told me to hold onto her. That she still has purpose in my life and our contract together is incomplete.  Once again instilling an ever growing self-assurance to always trust my intuition no matter the lack in understanding.

In my previous posts, Relax and A Message Heeded, you read about how I try to come to terms with a decision in regards to my brother. Don’t ever take for granted the use of a fantastic sounding board, which my therapist seems to be in my life now. I no longer need her to hand-hold me through the tempest winds of unfolding drama anymore, but apparently I still need her as a “focusing stone.”  Her calming presence “clears the air” within my psyche’ in such a way that I’m better able to discern the messages bestowed upon me. She still guides me towards that ever present light in the darkness, which I can clearly see now:

Our Path’s [my brother’s and mine] divergence is nigh

Now is the time for Trust and Faith

Step into your True Soul Purpose

SEE for those who cannot SEE

BE LOVE and Let Love BE

I love my brother…, and its always been a staggeringly pain-filled love.  It is this pain which has relentlessly driven me to seek answers and sought esoteric knowledge in such a short amount of time.  Even now after all I’ve remembered, it is still amazing to me how powerful a force Love can be when all aspects of that love are fully accepted, integrated, and utilized.

This entire year I felt that agonizing love for my brother grow tremendously and thought it was calling me to learn to heal in order to heal him or maybe somehow in my learning I would find a way to help him; but now I realize it was so much more than that.  His entire life is an orchestration of emotional pushes and pulls on mine and my family’s puppet strings of Life.  Guiding us back towards the center of our Family Heart Chakra and clearing it of a massive blockage which has been there for far too long.

My feelings for my brother are the driving force behind my spiritual growth, but not so I could eventually help or heal his mental illness specifically.  I’m being driven towards a bigger goal.  To finally begin healing the rift within myself and my family.  For each disastrous episode my brother has had, was an opportunity for me to gain insight, heal, and then widen my emotional circle. And with each episode a new beginning was created between myself and those I love, but didn’t particularly like.

I was aware of it happening, but only in a superficial sense, until it started happening with my mother (See post Synchronicity). The one person in my life I thought I would NEVER allow back, turned out to be the first person I allowed back into my circle.  Even then I didn’t fully understand why I was doing it. I only knew that it felt right and good.  And only today did I suddenly come to the realization that it has been happening with everyone in my life.  My circle of trust…, once so empty, iron-like, and unbreakable has slowly crumbled away without my knowing and my life has become fuller and happier.

I know I asked for it (See post A Realization and Growth), and this time that phrase, “be careful what you ask for…” requires no caution whatsoever. As a matter of fact I’m going to banish that phrase from my reality since I’m no longer fearful of that which I wish to manifest and will eternally trust in the Divine to always have my back.

Thank you Mother/Father God for the gifts of insight you have bestowed upon me, which have allowed me to fully appreciate all of the beautiful Abundance you brought into my life and continue to do so in the name of Love and Light. I AM forever grateful and joyous within your shining Light.

And, my dear beloved brother, may the Path you walk be forever clear and true.  Please know in your heart that I AM and will forever BE here for you. Thank you for the care and strength in which you live your life in order to teach me such a noble lesson. I love you!

Take care, BE LOVE

Namaste

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