All Things Change

Years ago I was afflicted with the symptoms commonly associated with what our medical community labels as “Bipolarism,” and started treatment to, in effect, “cure” myself of said affliction. Of course, this same community deems this a permanent and life-long ailment which cannot be cured, only maintained. But I have fought long and hard to banish the idea of permanency with all things in life, because that is my chosen reality.  So, if I’m to become the first to cure myself of an known and “uncurable illness,” then so be it. I don’t, and have never, seen it that way. I’ve only seen it as gaining a fuller understanding of myself and my needs.

All things change. That is the only reality.

In my search for clarity I didn’t take my first psychologist’s opinion as the last word and sought another psychologist. I found multiple who agreed that “Bipolarism,” as well as other “emotional disorders” are just a symptom of a bigger issue and does not have to be a life-long emotional hardship. I don’t even like to use the term “cured” because it denotes a previous time of actual illness.

Emotional disorders are not like a virus we can catch. They are issues with self-identity accumulated over time and, on some level, we are consciously making the choice to continue denying our own truth. Whether because it was indoctrinated in us to do so or because life is just easier this way, makes no matter. We are told to be one way, but deep down we know ourselves to be something quite different and we resist; because no matter how hard we try to deny it, the truth will always win out.

“Three things can not hide for long: the Moon, the Sun and the Truth.”

~Gautama Buddha

Bipolarism, a term given to us by our medical community, is the misunderstanding of a larger and ever more sensitive spectrum of emotional capacity than we allow ourselves credit. Sometimes the treading of this larger scale can be harrowing, especially for those without the proper training or resources, let alone context.  It is only recently our entire race has finally come through a world-awakening and realized that this more expansive palette of human emotion, or psyche, is an evolution to be praised and nurtured.  Not ridiculed and boxed into the shadows of incongruity.  Once our world perspective has re-balanced can we begin to resolve this plight completely, if given enough time and understanding into one’s own life.

It’s called Becoming Self-aware.

Bipolarism is just one label/one way, a person, who is over or under-balanced emotionally, will express themselves.  Our bodies can hold and generate massive amounts of energy and it has to come out some way. If one is accustomed to seeing all life, and everything involved with living, as energy then they would understand that our own thoughts can contain the most potent of life energy. If this person does not allow his energy, or cycling of thought, to release in a healthy manner it will build up pressure and eventually release into a storm-like and destructive pattern or overwhelm us into a seemingly unending lethargy.

With those predisposed to show bipolar symptoms our inner-turmoil of unresolved identity surfaces as some version of extreme mania or depression.  For those predisposed to other types of symptoms it will closely resemble any severe emotional imbalance disorder (You name it, we’ve slapped a label on it! Oh, and look! This label comes with pills to “fix you.”).

We’ve miscontrued the body and mind’s attempt at correcting what we naturally know to be wrong into right. We fight and resist, because we think its “not normal” but what we don’t understand is that it’s normal for that person. Each of us are different and react to our environment differently. Some more extreme than others.  This is the body’s natural way of saving itself. The human body can do amazing things, unbeknownst to the host, in order to survive!

The body is a sentient vessel our Soul captains for a time.

We have this tendency to label things we don’t understand because of our incessant need to control and compartmentalize. It’s how we were taught to organize a chaotic environment that in all reality has never been in anyone’s control, and that’s pretty darn scary.

We like to feel safe. We like to feel in-charge. We like to feel the future is ours to command, to do with as we see fit. It makes us feel powerful to laugh in the face of the unknown and bluster about like it means nothing to us, because we have “a plan.” Unfortunately, life has ways of destroying plans for the flimsy and deluded foundation they were laid upon. But a pill to make you put Pandora back in its box isn’t going to solve any problems, it just delays the inevitable.

I’m not saying medicine doesn’t have its place. For those who are completely unaware of their issues and unable to find their way out of a detrimental situation without hurting themselves, may need the medicine for a sense of safety. I used Lithium for two years before I felt ready enough to take charge of my own life again and deal with my emotional issues on my own. Medicine has is use, but like I said, it also has its place, and too often it is used as a permanent crutch instead of a temporary safety net towards a lighter and brighter life.

Delusion is the complete opposite of self-awareness…

…and therefore the predecessor to most life-altering circumstances.  We delude ourselves into thinking so many things to make our lives easier or manageable. What we truly end up doing is suppressing the truth of our own realities until one day the lies can no longer be stuffed into that little compartment, and blows open from over-packing.  This blowing open is when everyone, including our self, finally realize we don’t have everything under control, and we never did.  Now the proverbial suitcase and all of its flimsy contents are scattered and blowing in the winds. Everyone can see our most intimate and close held lies and it is a truly vulnerable feeling to be so exposed.

Vulnerability is strong and reliable bedrock for rebuilding.

Most people feel this part of our lives is our lowest. We’ve hit rock bottom because now everyone knows everything, but what we don’t understand until later is that we are so much further along the path to Self-awareness than the rest of our counterparts.  Now we finally see past the curtain of delusion to the enigmatic, yet quite normal, wizard behind the curtain. Once we move past the embarrassment of being found out, we can finally move on to truly living because we’ve sluiced from ourselves the trailing baggage of lies into a lighter, brighter version of whom we have always known ourselves to BE.

The Truth of you is bright. Let your brightness shine!

Even knowing all of this, walking through my own path of hardship back to my true and brightest self, I still find I’m triggered by others. Just the other day I took offense at someone’s lack of understanding to life’s emerging emotional depths. In effect, their incomplete understanding of not just their use of the label, “Bipolarism,” but other emotional and mental hardships has rendered them pessimistic and negatively biased towards the subject and anyone whom they deemed labeled thus. But, it wasn’t just their incomplete understanding of our full and human emotional spectrum that I took offense, it was also their complete lack of self-awareness towards their own fears and insecurities and how their reaction was linked, or inherently tied to, their ignorance.

Basically this person was very insensitive and critically judgmental towards another individual going through emotional and mental hardship. And instead of taking a moment to consider the words he was using and to whom he was saying them, he continued to judge harshly that which he had no clear understanding, and apparently compassion.  It took me back and surprised me to the point of nearly making me cry right then and there. Even though this person wasn’t talking about me I could feel his words being accepted by my heart because I found relative identity with the subject.

Not everyone understands why they react as they do, and that is okay.

I realize we all have battles to face and not everyone lives through the same types of battles, and therefore do not hold the same perspectives from those battles.  It is not my job to teach others about the perspectives I have learned in mine, but to live the example of what I have learned, and accept other perspectives in order to learn from them; to choose to love and learn anyway those who have lived separate lives from my own.  One may say I forgive those who do not understand me, but that is not what I am doing.

Forgiveness is unnecessary when living the life of unconditional love and understanding.

 I am grateful that I’ve had the opportunities to grow enough and recognize these feelings as my Ego asserting itself and respond instead with acceptance of another’s belief without the need to impose my own.  By allowing the other to have their ideology without any aggression from me (because in the end, don’t I wish the same from them?), I humble myself before this person who has now become a Life Lesson. I do not blame them for their lack of sensitivity, and wish upon them instead their own chance to learn and grow from our interaction. If not exactly as I have, but hopefully in whatever way they need, to grow on the path set before them.

I honor the God-hood in you, so as to honor the God-hood in me.

Obviously, my trigger points are still sore issues that need deeper self-analysis and resolution. After all, if they weren’t sore to begin with, there would be no button to trigger in the first place. Also, my expectations may have been a mitigating factor in my own misconstrued interpretations. I was under the impression that the person to whom I was conversing had as deep an understanding as I, due to our close relations over the years with people affected by emotional and mental hardships.  That was my mistake. I didn’t fully comprehend our two individual perspectives. Where I have lived with the label smack dab in the middle of my forehead, this other person, no matter how close “Bipolarism” has affected his life, only lived beside it.

I love you for showing me how to love you, and in the end, me.

Thank you Universe for the assist,

Namaste ❤

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