It would seem Spirit has me on yet another roller-coaster ride of poignant and anxiety-inducing emo-troughs and peaks…Oi… If this were happening to anyone else, I would usually butt in as the annoying cheerleader and say, “Yay! Get ready for an awesome ride!” because this usually means we’re about to have another spiritual growth spurt; but alas, when it comes to cheerleading for myself I tend to fall short in that department. Not like a peppy, firecracker, spitball kind of shortness, but seriously just out-in-out, blah-blah-blah, emotional short bus. I just never seem to have it in me when it comes to supporting myself.
What I usually tend to do is find a hole that’s burrowed deep into the dark abyss of Mother Earth and hibernate until this integration has fully processed (i.e., go home, bolt the doors, don’t pass Go, don’t collect $200, and don’t come back out or speak to anyone until this need to be alone passes); although, it would seem that Spirit won’t allow me to do that either this time. She is requesting I confront my issues head-on and continue with my life as if all were well, because apparently all is well (according to her).
Now that it’s summer I have my children full-time, on top of extra family staying over, so my home is currently not the Fortress of Solitude I’m used to it being. She (Spirit, a.k.a., Sekhmet) keeps telling me all will be well and not to worry. Throwing 2’s, 6’s, and 8’s at me all over the place just to reinforce that she isn’t the only one that thinks so. That just because what used to work before is no longer available does not mean all is lost. This is my opportunity to find a new way of being, a better way of being. One that shows me that all can be well without the necessity to “run and hide.” To which I was immediately affronted that she would even suggest that that was what I was doing and in a muffled and slightly miffed manner responded, “I’m not hiding! I’m integrating.”
Rolling her eyes at me she just smirks that knowing smile and says, “Toe-may-toe…, Toe-ma-toe…” Ugh…are Spirit Guides even allowed to be so annoying?
“Whatever gets the job done and the lesson learned, yes,” interjected Sekhmet.
This time it was my turn to roll my eyes and said, “That was a rhetorical question and you know it…”
She smirked again, “It’s all the same thing to me. Think better thoughts.”
O.M.G…, well she did have me there. Taking a deep breath and resolving to not allow Sekhmet another go at me, I endeavored to think better thoughts. Besides, it almost seems as if she finds joy at poking fun at me, either that, or she knows it’s practically the only way to get me to do anything when I’m in this mood. Remembering the deer she sent me yesterday morning as a gentle reminder that change is on its way, I allowed a modicum of mollification. She does try to be gentle at first at least.
I’m currently being run through a lesson on forgiveness. Almost every relationship that I still have yet to resolve are being dinged and poked at, inciting reactions (I’m talking every relationship, including the one with my cat [o.O]), reactions that I thought we’re no longer a part of my life. I had thought I’d grown past my reactionary lifestyle and moved onto better and bigger climates of acceptance and letting go, but nope, Sekhmet tells me I still have more to grow on that front. Greaaaaattttt…
Okay so, the good news is I’m practically done with this part of my huge life lesson because apparently it all started years ago and thanks to meeting my Twin Flame last month, he was able to help me complete a good chunk of them. I only have a few more to go and then I’m done! These last few are the hardest ones though because they require me to start a conversation I’ve been avoiding for nigh on…well my whole life.
So time to dig deep, dig true, and reveal that last part of my heart I’ve kept buried from everyone, including myself. I’m not going to lie. I’m pretty scared. This journey has been rough and bled me raw in places I had no clue were capable of bleeding; and the thought of bleeding again, possible forever, has me frozen in place right now like a deer caught in headlights. The only saving grace I have are my guides constantly showing me their support and the Knowing that all of this is for my highest good. Also, time and time again I’ve learned that when confronted with fear, the only way to lean, is IN.
Wish me luck my friends.
Remember, we are all loved.